that's all

all I’ve ever wanted

was to know how it felt 

to be loved 

and I could give 

a hundred reasons

why I chose to stay 

but they would all 

just be excuses 

because the truth 

is always simple

but rarely easy:

I was too afraid

to be alone. 

too afraid 

that it was my last chance 

at anything 

even closely resembling 

love 

so I stayed 

just hoping that one day

I’d find the person 

I fell in love with 

even though I knew 

that person 

was always a lie 

and I know what they say 

that the definition 

of insanity 

is doing the same thing 

over 

and over 

and expecting different results 

but the truth is 

I knew long ago

that I had lost my mind 

because every time

I swear to myself 

that I’ll never love again 

like I’m swearing off a drug 

that has ruined my life 

one too many times -

and yet

every time 

I can’t help but pour 

my entire heart 

into the thing 

no matter how hard I try 

to hold back

I can’t help 

loving deeply 

because it’s all 

I’ve ever known

how to do.