soul deep and weary

this exhaustion

isn’t just bone deep

it’s soul deep

jaded and weary

you wonder if maybe

it was your fault

all along

deep in your chest

your heart

struggles to beat

and your lungs

struggle

to inflate

will you ever

be able to breathe

a full breath

again?

deep in your bones

you crave the autumn

the smell

of leaves fallen

and decaying

crisp morning air

pushing open

your lungs

and filling your mind

with memories

bittersweet

haunting

and inviting

but you know

that what you crave

is gone

you can have

the quiet days

a book

and a cup of tea

quiet mornings

on the porch

drinking coffee

but the wild days

wind therapy

as you feel the cold air

in your face

and gallop

on the back

of your horse

you know

deep in your soul

that those days

are really

and truly

gone

“…o, lost

and by the wind grieved

ghost,

come back again…”

and all this pain

and all this loss

and the sorrow

that never seems

to truly leave

covers you

with soul deep exhaustion

until you have

no more doubts

that it was always

your fault

all along

if anyone could live

inside your head

not even a day

and especially not

a single night

would pass

before the chaos

and the pain

would drive them

completely

insane

because your mind

is like

the invisible library

a labyrinth

of tales

and stories untold

stacks that go on

into eternity

and every book

that you pluck from the shelf

disintegrates

the moment it touches

your skin

but not

until you’ve felt the pain

trapped within

throughout your life

you have been known

as the interminable optimist

the one

who was always

okay

who never leaves

a tale of woe

without

a happier

ending

but tonight

there is no happier ending

no optimistic

point of view

to carry with you

through the days

of woe

tonight

there is only pain

and sorrow

and longing

for the life that was stolen

and the dreams

that were shot

right out

of the sky

maybe tomorrow

if tomorrow comes

you’ll be able to say

with sincerity

that you’re ready

to face another new day

but tonight

this exhaustion

isn’t just

bone deep

it’s soul deep

and you are jaded

and you are weary

and you are ready

to call it

a day.