this apparition of me

the ghost of the girl

I was before

didn’t bother to knock

but came bursting

through the door

she didn’t seem to know

that she wasn’t really here

she was angry

and exhausted

trembling with fear

the pain etched

on her ghostly face

mirrored my own

made my broken heart race

because I remembered that day

when my world split in two

made me question everything

I once thought

was true

and even though I know

it was never her fault

that she was suffering

the worst kind of assault

I still looked upon her

with anger and hate

felt she deserved

every last bit of her fate

because she couldn’t be stronger

and protect both of us

and for that reason

she forever lost

my trust

and this ghostly creature

reached for my hand

asked for my help

when she could no longer stand

asked for forgiveness

which I refused to supply

and I turned away in disgust

as this apparition

began to cry

alone in the darkness

and drowning in fear

but I ignored the guilt

crawling ever nearer

and then you walked in

and I knew you could see

because you touched my cheek gently

and walked

straight past me

you sat down beside her

right next to my ghost

you knew exactly

what she needed the most

you sat shoulder to shoulder

with this apparition of me

of this person I hated

and never wanted to be

but you sat there in silence

and just let her cry

patient and calm

as the hours ticked by

and soon there were tears

streaming down my own face

and I was sitting

on the floor in her place

and you still never left

you just quietly waited

as the tears all ran dry

and my sobs

finally faded

and only then

did you reach for my hand

and when I was ready

you helped me stand

you told me to look

at my face in the mirror

and asked if I saw

anything clearer

you asked why the girl

that I hated so much

was so desperate for love

but so afraid to be touched

and when I looked in the mirror

I could finally see

that I wasn’t to blame

for what happened to me

that I didn’t deserve

the pain others inflicted

that I couldn’t have known

couldn’t have predicted

the things I would suffer

or the hope I would lose

or the terrible choices

between which

I’d be forced

to choose

and I could see all my scars

visible

ugly

a shape so broken

no one could possibly love me

but you traced each one

with a gentle touch

and lovingly told me

that I’m not too much

that I’m easy to love

against my every belief

and the broken ghost inside me

crumbled

in pure relief

and now your name

is my favorite sound

and I’m so grateful for this love

that you and I have found

and though sometimes my ghost

still trembles and cries

she is learning to trust

by the love

that she sees

in your eyes

and though I’m still learning

to let go of this pain

I’m grateful that I’ll never

have to go through it alone

again.