arrow

my heart

has never been whole

I was born

with an arrow

piercing straight through

making every beat

feel like

its last

you might ask me why

I leave it in

never pull it out

never heal the wound

but surely

you can see

that this arrow

is the only thing stopping me

from bleeding out

and bleeding

to death

and there are days

when it seems

like death would be

a mercy

because life

is not a joyful adventure

just a cruel joke

that never ends

and the joke

is always

on me

but I know

as I have always known

that death

or mercy

would be too good

for the likes of me

no hope for life

no hope for death

no hope

at all

and there are days -

more often, now -

when the air around me

feels like razors

a sharp existence

in the most brutal

possible

way

so maybe that

will be my escape

slowly dying

bleeding out

a thousand cuts

over raw, bare skin

and a slow

endless

trickle of blood

steadily leaking

from the chronic wound

piercing my heart -

this wound

that will never

heal

and maybe

slow death by heartache

is all

that I truly

deserve.